Dave has had a short-term job at the Civil War Reenactment in Gettysburg. He works a 12 hour shift, all night long, checking passes at the gate so the people who come in are only registered reenactors and not 'riffraff'. Hard to tell the difference sometimes!
Someone who does reenacting is a person who is willing to be hot, dirty, uncomfortable, and inconvenienced for the sake of history. They are so excited about a particular period of the past that they recreate it in dress, living conditions, and often persona for the weekend. I come out to visit Dave at the gate, usually stay until about 1am, sitting by the campfire and watching the tents glow with candles & lanterns, talking occasionally to people about where things are in Gettysburg. Trucks and cars full of woolen uniforms and hoopskirts go past to walk the streets and talk to tourists. These people PAY to come camp in a field and be gawked at during the day while they literally live their dream of historical accuracy.
What am I that passionate about?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wandering in the wilderness
Dave & I are in the process of finding another church...after raising our kids in one on the other side of the county. It has not been an easy decision for me because it's more like God is nudging Dave to go a different direction than my habits have formed.
I wonder what Sarai said to Abram when he came home & said,
"Honey, we are moving."
"Where are we moving to?"
"I don't know exactly; just come with me......................."
And Sarai would be thinking about the details of packing all their worldly possessions and meals for all the servants and what is going to happen next while Abram is thinking about the promised land or something. I have no insight into his mind. I can easily imagine hers, though!
So, in the now, I am trusting God & calling my husband 'Boss' and not being frightened by any fear. This is not a politically correct attitude~but it comes right out of the New Testament in a book called 1 Peter in the third chapter. I have been laughed at for respecting my husband's authority in our marriage but I think I can trust God to be right on this one.
Dave and I have had deeper conversations and an increasing love & respect for each other as we wander around our wilderness following God. I'm excited about the future, and the part of the Body that we will be planted in next.
I wonder what Sarai said to Abram when he came home & said,
"Honey, we are moving."
"Where are we moving to?"
"I don't know exactly; just come with me......................."
And Sarai would be thinking about the details of packing all their worldly possessions and meals for all the servants and what is going to happen next while Abram is thinking about the promised land or something. I have no insight into his mind. I can easily imagine hers, though!
So, in the now, I am trusting God & calling my husband 'Boss' and not being frightened by any fear. This is not a politically correct attitude~but it comes right out of the New Testament in a book called 1 Peter in the third chapter. I have been laughed at for respecting my husband's authority in our marriage but I think I can trust God to be right on this one.
Dave and I have had deeper conversations and an increasing love & respect for each other as we wander around our wilderness following God. I'm excited about the future, and the part of the Body that we will be planted in next.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Every green plant for food
In Genesis 1:30, God says He has given every green plant for food to all the life that He made. I had to go look it up; I just brought home another huge bag of green stuff from the crop share I joined for the first time this year.
I had not previously thought that my diet was all that limited because I eat more types of vegetables than the rest of my family. But this has stretched my boundaries considerably! I have discovered that I don't know much at all about 'all the green plants' God has given for food. And some of them look suspiciously like the weeds in my yard. Some smell like a stink bug...googling has resulted in my theory that those particular leaves are cilantro and I don't know if I can bring myself to use them.
As I sorted through my piles of harvest, it occurred to me that I do this a lot with people....pile 'em up in heaps of familiarity or strangeness and put the unfamiliar ones in a holding pattern to deal with later....often later means 'didn't happen' and I end up discarding a slime pile or waving at a neighbor for years without actually connecting. (Maybe I should walk across the road with a bag of lettuce.)
It occurred to me also that I disregard the vast majority of what God has blessed me with, simply because I would have to trust Him to give me wisdom to deal with it.
I had not previously thought that my diet was all that limited because I eat more types of vegetables than the rest of my family. But this has stretched my boundaries considerably! I have discovered that I don't know much at all about 'all the green plants' God has given for food. And some of them look suspiciously like the weeds in my yard. Some smell like a stink bug...googling has resulted in my theory that those particular leaves are cilantro and I don't know if I can bring myself to use them.
As I sorted through my piles of harvest, it occurred to me that I do this a lot with people....pile 'em up in heaps of familiarity or strangeness and put the unfamiliar ones in a holding pattern to deal with later....often later means 'didn't happen' and I end up discarding a slime pile or waving at a neighbor for years without actually connecting. (Maybe I should walk across the road with a bag of lettuce.)
It occurred to me also that I disregard the vast majority of what God has blessed me with, simply because I would have to trust Him to give me wisdom to deal with it.
Monday, June 6, 2011
I'm baaaaaack....
I have been busy lately; I worked full-time for a while, got laid off, went on unemployment, started an Etsy shop (http://www.etsy.com/shop/13thBasket) to force myself to learn computerese.......
My husband keeps saying, "Did you make any money yet?" and, "You could do that blog thing" with no actual sense of how steep the learning curve is. He knows it is steep because all he does on a computer is look at Craigslist & sloooowly surf & play Spider solitaire. He's getting better at Facebook because our oldest son is stationed in Guam & deployed to Turkey so that's how we get updates.
He has never had to "market" himself because his customers come to him. His family have been woodworkers in this county for generations and we live in the house he grew up in so people come to the door & say, "Is this the Jacoby that does cabinetry?" God keeps providing just enough work without showing the long-range schedule.
It reminds me of the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. It can be so easy to complain about the insecurity of following the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night! It is much easier to trust God to lead my husband than it is to step out in faith and do new things myself, despite the fact Dave has been encouraging me to do it.
A huge factor of self-employment is being a self-starter. Make that a CONSISTENT self-starter. Much of my life I have been a responder-to-the-current-problem; homemaking & homeschooling tend to run like that, and my jobs are generally the call center type. Dave is a great self-starter and I am slowly learning from his example. It's an attitude change that requires not only researching how to blog & run an Etsy shop but doing it.
My husband keeps saying, "Did you make any money yet?" and, "You could do that blog thing" with no actual sense of how steep the learning curve is. He knows it is steep because all he does on a computer is look at Craigslist & sloooowly surf & play Spider solitaire. He's getting better at Facebook because our oldest son is stationed in Guam & deployed to Turkey so that's how we get updates.
He has never had to "market" himself because his customers come to him. His family have been woodworkers in this county for generations and we live in the house he grew up in so people come to the door & say, "Is this the Jacoby that does cabinetry?" God keeps providing just enough work without showing the long-range schedule.
It reminds me of the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. It can be so easy to complain about the insecurity of following the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night! It is much easier to trust God to lead my husband than it is to step out in faith and do new things myself, despite the fact Dave has been encouraging me to do it.
A huge factor of self-employment is being a self-starter. Make that a CONSISTENT self-starter. Much of my life I have been a responder-to-the-current-problem; homemaking & homeschooling tend to run like that, and my jobs are generally the call center type. Dave is a great self-starter and I am slowly learning from his example. It's an attitude change that requires not only researching how to blog & run an Etsy shop but doing it.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
more things I've learned...posted on http://www.boundlessline.org/2008/09/another-look-at.html
I became a Christian at 20, was sexually active & sporadically engaged at the time, and struggled with the whole celibacy idea for years. Not a struggle of intellect or conviction; a struggle of awakened desires that would not go back to sleep once I chose to be chaste!
I kept putting my desires to be married on the altar, & there are lots of tears in that statement. I asked God not to allow me to be married until I could be a real "helpmeet" and He kept closing the door to marriage in my pleading face for 10 years.
Now, I have been married for 25 years and can share a couple of points--
Both states, married or single, are referred to as "gifts" by Jesus. All gifts are given for the benefit of the Body of Christ and are not necessarily for the rest of your stay on earth. People die all the time, and that will include you or a spouse and could happen today. (Excellent motivation, by the way, to appreciate what God gives you every moment.)
Both states, married or single, require being dead to self and alive to Christ. If you aren't struggling with something being put on the altar, you aren't sharing His suffering or growing in His grace. Your sin nature is not compatible with anyone else's and marriage does not mean constant fulfillment.
Both states, married or single, are actually temporary because there is only one marriage in Heaven, that of Christ & His Bride... which includes you if you choose.
Both states, married or single, are dim reflections of eternity and are going to be baffling with times of blindness. This means you walk by faith and not by sight.
Learning to be content in whatever state you are in requires knowing God & His Word, which is true theology. Only truth sets us free, and He is Truth.
Theology isn't an intellectual exercise, it is knowing God & interacting with Him--"God-Logic", that which makes sense (ology=the study of) because of God (theos=God). The hidden choices you make in response to Him every day are where you serve, married or single.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
leaky pipes & little foxes
A marriage in our church has just fallen apart...it probably was getting emptier and emptier for a long time and the masks just couldn't stay pasted anymore.
This is tragic, not just for the family but for our church. How can this amount of pain come together every Sunday and during the week without being addressed by someone? One answer; they are good fakers. (My thought on that; faking happiness is no substitute for the real thing and a dangerous game that brings agony.) Another answer; they thought that pretending things were ok would make them ok. That's like ignoring a malignant tumor, hoping it will go away. Sadly, a third reason would be that when people like me say, "how are you?" we are so programmed into hearing, "I'm fine" that we don't actually pay attention.
A common criticism of Christianity is the hypocrisy people see...but I see hypocrisy in all of us. I do not think it's a religious thing but a human thing. I think it bothers people more in "church" settings because each of us genuinely needs there to be a place where we are accepted & even loved despite who we really are....and each of us genuinely needs that sense of belonging in a bigger sphere than our homes. If we have it at home we usually don't appreciate it at all or even think of it any more than we think about plumbing.
A recurring problem in my own marriage is my feeling like I'm just "part of the plumbing" in Dave's life; that he takes me for granted & doesn't appreciate me. The problem comes, not from being taken for granted, but from my attitude about being taken for granted. If I am playing the wrong tape in my head, having conversations with Dave that only exist in my brain, I set us up for problems because he wasn't actually part of the conversation in my head...and I start reacting to the "head-Dave" instead of my real human husband.
Solomon (in his Song) has some good ideas on this: he talks about the little foxes that run through a vineyard taking bites off the grapes--a little here, a little there. If you don't catch the little foxes, you end up with a devastated vineyard after time from something that did not seem important at the time.
In another part of his Song, he paints a word-picture of a lover coming to his love, "open to me, open to me, my love" "I have just washed my feet, how can I get them dirty again? I have just put off my dress, how can I put it on again?" So the lover leaves, and the bride wakes up & starts looking for her lover & gets hurt.
A recent advice columnist asked for input from men in why they cheated on their wives. The main theme I saw in their answers was this..."my wife doesn't respond to me, she does". Not a physical response, an emotional one, in most letters. I'm not in any way excusing a cheating husband; I am pointing out a human trait we all share.
Forgiveness is a theological thing...I think of theology as God (theo) logic; that which only makes sense because of God. The more I understand His forgiveness for me, the more I am able to open to my mate when I am hurt by his human shortcomings. My ability to respond to anyone is based on my current selfishness. If I am focused on how I feel I am NOT being "dead to self and alive to Christ" and am blind to what He is asking me to do in His strength.
Real Christianity is lived moment by moment in the battlefield of my mind and revealed in the actions & words I choose. The victories I have over the little foxes and leaky pipes in my life don't seem important or worth the cost but looking back I can see the damage I have allowed by ignoring His prompting to deal with something I thought trivial.
This is tragic, not just for the family but for our church. How can this amount of pain come together every Sunday and during the week without being addressed by someone? One answer; they are good fakers. (My thought on that; faking happiness is no substitute for the real thing and a dangerous game that brings agony.) Another answer; they thought that pretending things were ok would make them ok. That's like ignoring a malignant tumor, hoping it will go away. Sadly, a third reason would be that when people like me say, "how are you?" we are so programmed into hearing, "I'm fine" that we don't actually pay attention.
A common criticism of Christianity is the hypocrisy people see...but I see hypocrisy in all of us. I do not think it's a religious thing but a human thing. I think it bothers people more in "church" settings because each of us genuinely needs there to be a place where we are accepted & even loved despite who we really are....and each of us genuinely needs that sense of belonging in a bigger sphere than our homes. If we have it at home we usually don't appreciate it at all or even think of it any more than we think about plumbing.
A recurring problem in my own marriage is my feeling like I'm just "part of the plumbing" in Dave's life; that he takes me for granted & doesn't appreciate me. The problem comes, not from being taken for granted, but from my attitude about being taken for granted. If I am playing the wrong tape in my head, having conversations with Dave that only exist in my brain, I set us up for problems because he wasn't actually part of the conversation in my head...and I start reacting to the "head-Dave" instead of my real human husband.
Solomon (in his Song) has some good ideas on this: he talks about the little foxes that run through a vineyard taking bites off the grapes--a little here, a little there. If you don't catch the little foxes, you end up with a devastated vineyard after time from something that did not seem important at the time.
In another part of his Song, he paints a word-picture of a lover coming to his love, "open to me, open to me, my love" "I have just washed my feet, how can I get them dirty again? I have just put off my dress, how can I put it on again?" So the lover leaves, and the bride wakes up & starts looking for her lover & gets hurt.
A recent advice columnist asked for input from men in why they cheated on their wives. The main theme I saw in their answers was this..."my wife doesn't respond to me, she does". Not a physical response, an emotional one, in most letters. I'm not in any way excusing a cheating husband; I am pointing out a human trait we all share.
Forgiveness is a theological thing...I think of theology as God (theo) logic; that which only makes sense because of God. The more I understand His forgiveness for me, the more I am able to open to my mate when I am hurt by his human shortcomings. My ability to respond to anyone is based on my current selfishness. If I am focused on how I feel I am NOT being "dead to self and alive to Christ" and am blind to what He is asking me to do in His strength.
Real Christianity is lived moment by moment in the battlefield of my mind and revealed in the actions & words I choose. The victories I have over the little foxes and leaky pipes in my life don't seem important or worth the cost but looking back I can see the damage I have allowed by ignoring His prompting to deal with something I thought trivial.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
an old letter to my daughter....
Hi babe--I'm not sure I ever finished this & sent it to you! Sorry 'bout that....since I want to use it for the Famine study with the girls, I'm finishing it & sending it to you & sharing it with them, too.
It's also been a challenge to organize my thoughts on what God has taught me about the lust/sex thing...the hunger for satisfaction. But if I ever actually write my book about Happy Wife/Human Husband, I need to have this chapter in it. So you are giving me incentive to do what God & your dad have been suggesting I do.
As you know, I was sexually molested by a cousin while growing up. One of the confusing things for the "victim" is the awakening of desire...it does feel good & you have a lot of conflict about guilt and shame at the same time you are experiencing a strong pull to satisfy a physical hunger you never had before. It is a real trap, and part of the victimization in the sense that your body seems to be working against you. I found out later that he had been molested by another cousin and started to molest others when that cousin moved away...HIS physical urges being too powerful for him to deal with alone. So I wonder where the line between victim-molester really is...but it doesn't negate our responsibility for our actions.
In the Song of Solomon, we are repeatedly warned not to "awaken my love before she pleases". I believe this is a reference to the passions....we are not to be sexually active in thought & heart until it is appropriate to be sexually active physically. This is why modesty is an issue...not just clothing, but thought & behavior. You can be incredibly immodest and completely covered up...it is easy to entice with glances & smiles. It is why we are told to guard our hearts....the books we read, the things we watch, the friendships we cultivate. At the end of the book, Solomon talks of a little sister...and the need to be a wall rather than a door. If you want an intensely satisfying sexual life with your future husband, YOU MUST BE A WALLED GARDEN with only one way in--marriage.
The result of my being a "door" was like having a broken cistern in my heart. I had all kinds of hunger & thirst for attention & affection but no way to keep my bucket full. I was like that verse in Proverbs 27:7, "A sated man loathes honey, but to a famished man any bitter thing is sweet." In the margin below that verse I wrote this years ago--"If I am not content in His love, I'll be tempted to "be content" filling the gap with food, attention, fantasy--and if He has not already filled me, those comparatively bitter things are sweet. But if I'm content in Him I will not idolize."
(I love having a Bible that has stuff written in it from years past--it reminds me of what He has brought me through & of His faithfulness to us. I need those reminders so often! Don't be afraid to write in your Bible.)
Being sexually active in fantasy & action seemed to be satisfying a hunger that I had for my daddy's attention. You never knew your grandfather, but he was quite a character. He had some real handicaps--one was the belief that you don't face problems, you walk away from them. He'd be very affectionate at times, then turn his back & say "I don't love you anymore, I'm mad at you" & go to sleep on the couch. He wasn't around much.
You know how you need to feel connected to your dad, and how you hunger for his love. Being "just a man" and living in the fallen world, he can't meet all your longings for his love. I think the reason we have that "Daddy Hunger" is that we really hunger for God the Father's love & He planned that we'd be able to understand His love by being first loved by a daddy. Our sinfulness messed up God's plan generations ago and we all have problems because of it.
Right now there are a growing number of teens having plastic surgery because they feel so ugly the way God made them. The size of their breasts or nose has ruined their perceived potential for being happy...they hunger for a satisfaction that they think will come in being attractive in a narrowly described way. It is a tragedy because satisfaction doesn't work like that...one of my roommates had a sister who owned a top modeling agency & Sheree said that the people in the top modeling circles are the unhappiest, most insecure people she'd ever seen. All "beautiful", all unhappy.
No matter what you are in life, you will have "hunger pangs"--unfulfilled desires. It is easy to think that something you don't have will satisfy you, but what actually happens is more like a meal; it fills you up for a short time. If you're eating junk then you will be full for a short time but not get any benefit from it...it will cause harm. It really is like that verse in Proverbs: if you learn to be content with God, your life is full even when you have nothing. If you are starving for God, you eat & eat & eat all the world has to offer & keep getting hungry again because nothing the world has satisfies forever even though it tastes sweet at the time.
You'd wanted to know what verses God has used in my life as a single woman. The most helpful passage for me has been Isaiah 54. The word-picture in the beginning of the chapter is that of a solitary woman making her tent more secure by stretching it out & hammering in the pegs. She's making a TEMPORARY dwelling more secure by digging in deeper where she's at. Here's my take on this--
1. Get a larger perspective on your life--we live in a tent; our mansion is in heaven.
2. Make your tent secure by putting energy into what you have to do today...
--what are your responsibilities?--do them well. (Matthew 24:45)
--who do you live with?--learn how to connect with them. (Isaiah 58:7)
--what is God teaching you today?--write it down! (Psalm 19:7-11)
The last thing I want to share with you in this letter is another part of Isaiah 54. There are times when you are SO desparately starved for love that you see the world through a blur of tears. After the tent thing, God talks of a wife rejected, forsaken and grieved in spirit. In verse 11, He says this--
"O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
And your foundations I will lay in sapphires.
Moreover, I will make your balltlements of rubies,
And your gates of crystal,
And your entire wall of precious stones.
And all your sons will be taught of the Lord;
And the well-being of your sons will be great."
Ties in kind of cool with the walled garden thing out of Song of Solomon, huh? I have clung to that promise over the years, seeing the words run together as I wept. There are times when you will be storm-tossed & find no comfort. We live in a fallen world, one that has pain in every direction. We cannot escape the reality of sin & it's effect on us. That's why Jesus came.
Last year, I wrote on the margin of Isaiah 54:11--"God keeps His promise made in these verses to me as a single woman-now married w/4 kids who are dedicated to Him 4/15/04"
My point is not that you may someday be a happily married mother of children. There have been times in my married life that I have felt storm-tossed and afflicted...other times when I have been so deep in the pit of despair I could not see any light. But through all that time, God has been faithful, like the sun that shines all the time even when you cannot see it because of where you are on earth.
If you are reading His Word & thinking about it, praying for wisdom and writing your thoughts, you will feed your spirit.
If you are obeying His command & laying down your life to follow Jesus in meeting other people's needs, you will feed your soul.
Like your tag line says, "you don't HAVE a soul, you ARE a soul--you HAVE a body." God knows you have physical needs, He made your body. He commands us to feed the hungry, to satisfy our spouses & be exhilarated in marriage. It's just temporary, though, to help us understand eternal things. When you are hungry for something, attention from a guy, for instance, ask yourself what the big picture is & what God is teaching you.
Well, I'm out of time. I hope this helps a little--
love you much--Mom
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