Sunday, June 29, 2008

communication again

It is a source of wonder to me...the things that bothered me in Dave when we were dating & engaged STILL bother me. He has not changed all that much, and I haven't...we just have learned how to communicate our needs a little better. Just the other day, he wasn't listening to me blather on about a grill I was looking at in the local Walmart because he thought he heard a groundhog in the garden. This is not a problem if he says, "I wasn't listening to you because I thought I heard a groundhog in the garden."

It is a problem if he acts like I didn't say anything in the first place.

In the past, I've tried to ignore my hurt feelers...doesn't work, the tape in my head keeps playing reruns & it escalates from there. I've tried to let him know non-verbally that something is wrong...doesn't work, he picks up that something's wrong but generally guesses wrong, too. And it escalates from there. I've talked to him under my breath...not a communication skill at all. And it escalates from there. I've tried praying about on my end in terms of learning more about forgiveness (a whole chapter at least by itself) but that is only a good first step on how to deal with the hurt of being ignored.

I've learned to say, "did you hear me?" because maybe he didn't.
I've learned to say, "it makes me feel ignored when you don't respond to my talking to you"
I've learned to listen to what he says when I say that.
I'm learning how to handle his exaggerated "I'm listening to you" "I heard what you said" schtick for the first week after an incident.

Maybe a pillow fight would help.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

the irony of it all

So, finally I have done what I've been pressured to do--put my opinions on some sort of permanent basis. The threat used to be that I'd write a book of marriage advice called "How to be the Happy Wife of a Human Husband"; this usually said after listening to a friend bemoan her spouse's shortcomings. I have lots of opinions--lots and lots. The trick is to get them written!

Just like joining Curves & not going because I don't feel like it, reading magazines to get ideas about how to organize my junk & not moving a paper, or making a "to-do" list & doing something else; beginning a blog creates a feeling of accomplishment that is illusionary yet somehow satisfying--temporarily. Why are humans like that?

Probably because we ARE human, frail pots of clay with value because of the price paid for us out of love.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

the why's answered

This blog is being created because writing a book titled "How to Be the Happy Wife of a Human Husband" is a consistent threat of mine. And I keep being told to write a blog is a more realistic choice at the moment.

Since I am new at the whole blog thing, it will be a process....but marriage is a long, slow process that cycles so I imagine this will be, too.

My credentials...I've been married to Dave for 25 years, we have 4 kids that recently all grew up (graduated the last homeschooler in June 2008) but 3 are still living with us and I am not perfect. No one is--but often in our "pursuit of happiness" we forget to cut everybody some slack.

The foundation that I am building my life on is Jesus Christ and because truth doesn't change I have a solid rock to build on, but anyone can take my observations and compare them to your own. Truth applies to everyone, just like gravity.